lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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