you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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