mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
