The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
