I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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