Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
