You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Randomize
