I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
