google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
