Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
