So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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