I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
