I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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