Apparently you make a good broom.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
