If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize