i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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