hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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