if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
