Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
