i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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