we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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