Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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