in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
