I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
