Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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