There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
