God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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