All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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