i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
