No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
