UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am naked and annoyed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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