Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
