i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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