just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
