i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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