Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
