You're so nebulous sometimes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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