yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
