Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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