Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
