I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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