You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
