Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
