I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
