If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
