I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
