at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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