The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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