Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
