We're facebook friends in real life
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
