Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
