sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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