I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize