Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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