Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize