Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
