I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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