I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
