She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
