either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
