Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
