I got chris browned last night
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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