Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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