Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize