This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
