Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
