So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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