This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
