I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
