Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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