I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drake has all the answers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
