I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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