He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
