So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
