If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
