I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
