sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
