If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize