were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
