I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
