Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
