he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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