and i looked up. we had an audience...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize