do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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