last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
