Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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