well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
