My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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