We're facebook friends in real life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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