hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
