i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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