hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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