she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
