and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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