no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
