He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
