I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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