I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
