Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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