I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
