I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
