He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Randomize
