check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
