We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
