my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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