I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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