its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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