Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
