Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
