dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
