How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
