Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
never play flip cup with pint glasses
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
