I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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