maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So much rum. So many feels.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
