She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's blow job season.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
