She is in my trunk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
