i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
