I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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