You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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