Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
