Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
