awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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