She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
