you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
