I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
