OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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