I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
